He showed up in church one day looking and sounding very
different from my regular parishioners. I have people in my church from many
countries; India, Jamaica, Central and South America. But this gentleman was truly
unique. He always wore a bandanna, blue jeans and a patterned cotton shirt that
reminded me of heavy metal band album covers. In a strange way he looked like
he rode a Harley Davidson motorcycle, without the motorcycle. When he spoke he
sounded Asian Indian. However, when I asked him where he was from, he said
England. I never heard from him the slightest English accent, nor any common
English words that Americans don’t use, like lorry or wind screen. He seemed to
be floating somewhere between India, England and America; not quite knowing
where to land.
We welcomed him into our fellowship without any
questions. My family and I had him over for Christmas dinner. I liked him, but
I didn't understand him. He was very closed about his life. The little bit he
told me only led to more questions. But I didn't press him and I thought we
were building a good relationship. Then he started to complain about the church’s
fund raising efforts. He was bothered that he were asking for money to support
the church. “Why do you need to do this?”, he asked. Because we need the money
and this is what everyone does, did not seem to satisfy him. Eventually he
disappeared. I tried calling him several times, but he would not answer and did
not return my messages. It was a sad end to an odd relationship. I have been a
pastor long enough to know that this story repeats itself in our churches all
of the time.
Since I became a minister, I have made and lost more
friends than I ever had prior to taking the leap of faith. Being a minister
brings me into contact with a lot of people. This contact naturally leads to relationships
that I would not have had a chance to develop if I wasn't a minister. But along
with that comes the rejections. I've had so many people suddenly disappear from
my life I honestly can’t keep track of the number. It’s a sad fact of the ministry;
we are rejected by people we thought were our friends over and over again. These
rejections rarely have causes that make sense to us. Some small slight or minor
decision by the church leadership can cause a person to disappear with no
explanation. Relationships start, grow and are broken in the blink of an eye. It
is truly the saddest part of ministry.
Most of you are familiar with the story of Joseph from
Genesis. The musical and movie, Joseph and the Technicolor Dream-coat, is a
favorite of mine. In the story Joseph is sold into slavery by his jealous
brothers and through God’s blessing ends up a powerful man in Egypt. His
brothers come to Egypt to buy food because of a famine. Joseph can seek revenge
against his brothers, but he doesn't. He forgives them instead. The
relationship which was broken when his brothers turned on him is restored. I
like this story because it shows how important forgiveness is in the
development of healthy relationships. I have kept my important relationships
healthy and strong because I have apologized when I messed up, and I have
forgiven when others mess up.
This past week I have thought long and hard about the
people who have come and gone from my life. A little bit of anger and a lot of
sadness accompanies these memories. What I have concluded is that it is really
important to fight for our friendships. Relationships are everything in life,
much more important than material things. If we have to humble ourselves and
beg for forgiveness, then we should do it without hesitation. If we have to
calm our anger down and forgive someone who is a fool, then by all means do it.
Our relationships are precious, and fragile. They can be severed so easily and
once they are gone they don’t return. So many people in and out of my life has
taught me the value of relationships.
Fight for your friendships. The people in your life are your
most precious gift.
God bless you,
Pastor Bill
